If it is good you can count on it going bad. If it is beautiful and pure, it will either be corrupted, eroded, corroded or rusted. It will either spoil, sour, fade, wither or something else bad … It seems every time a good replaces an evil, it is only a matter of time until that good will evolve into a different form of the very evil that it originally sought to destroy.  We start something good, but to keep it going is like forever swimming against the current, pretty soon our arms will seem like a wet spaghetti noodles and we will be carried right back from winch we were trying to flee.  To keep something good and preserve it is like continuing to climb up a mountain that just keeps going, we can’t help but grow worry, exhausted and slip and fall all the way down the mountain to where we started and then wonder how on earth to start again since every bone is crushed and broken. I am only consistent in my inconsistency, Everything good I start to be faithful in ends in a divorce; me and my friends almost always drift apart, love and affections spoils, my convictions fade, my hopes erode, my faith corrodes and my heart withers.

Yet evil is everywhere, it takes nothing to maintain it, it overtakes everything, it outweighs the good,  it only takes a drop of poison to pollute gallons of pure water, it only takes a little hole to sink a ship, a few dead flies to ruin the most costly perfume. It just takes a little black dye, a little yeast, a little cancer or disease.  Like weeds it chokes out the good, like alcohol it is intoxicating and addicting and controlling and at every convenient store. It is like swimming with the current or walking down hill. Everything in this earth is wrong; it is all turned upside down.  All of Nature, every human’s soul, every animal… yes, everything is cursed.

It almost seems like God most have liked the idea of war, for he let Lucifer loose after he rebelled, and man in his stupidity gave Satan dominion, and now earth is a bloody war zone and war is hell. The prince of the power of the air is pulling the strings; he is the god of this age, the lord of all the nations of the earth. We now are surrounded by dysfunctional families, chaos and rebellion, anarchy and devastation, and the slaughter, torture and mindless cruelty to the innocent.  The amount of pain and suffering and horror countless millions have gone through is unfathomable, and even if it was, who would want to fathom it? Who could bear it?

I through out much of 2006, I was overwhelmed with the wickedness and darkness of the world, it created an emotion in me and I wanted to capture it. So I painted this and yet I feel I miserably failed. I still am at loss on how to truly express how I feel.  In this painting I try to show the risk of bringing a child into this evil world. The moment it is born it is surrounded by evil, temptations and darkness all seeking to destroy it. Everyone who is born will die. Yet, the child is sleeping, totally ignorant to what surrounds him. Likewise we often are ignorant of what surrounds us, and just as we don't believe in goblins and dragons, we may think we do believe in the demonic realm surrounding us, but in actuality it is hard for this to sink in and for us to treat the reality anymore seriously then fairy tales.

My friend remembers starting out in his Christian walk, fully confident of God's intimate interaction and involvement in our lives. Yet since then his life has been filled with disappointment, pain, emotional, spiritual and physical suffering, unanswered prayers, injustice and waiting; the waiting continues, he gets a breath and then he is shoved back under the water. Yet still he holds to his faith. But think about unbelievers looking in and seeing him still hoping and trusting in God, I wonder if there reaction would be much like Maynard who wrote this song I posted below concerning his mother, after she had a stroke and had to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair. In his eyes she was loyal and faithful to God and yet God never did anything for her, never answered her prayers, etc...

"You're such an inspiration
For the ways that I will
Never, ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How your savior has abandoned you

**** your God, your Lord, your Christ
He did this, took all you had and
Left you this way, still you pray, never stray, never
Taste of the fruit, never thought to question "why?"

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed

He did it all for you...
He did it all for you...

Oh so many ways for me to show you
How your dogma has abandoned you

Pray to your Christ, to your God
Never taste of the fruit, never stray, never break, never
Choke on a lie even though he's the one who
Did this to you, you never thought to question "why?"

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side
Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why

He did it all for you...
He did it all for you...
He did it all for you"      - "Judith" by a Perfect Circle

I so relate with David, when he laments in the psalms; "Lord have you cast us off forever? Why have you forsaken us? Why are You deaf to our cries?"  I too am standing here wondering, why He seems to just sit back and watch as the enemy has free-reign and destroy us. Why is His he so shy, so reluctant to act and so withdrawn? This is the experience of the psalmist and other hero's in the bible, it has been mine and my friends experience. How do we reconcile this with the God we read and hear about? This God that is full of affection, passionately in love with us, pursuing and always doing the best for us? No wonder the world mocks, and say "You never even stop to ask why" Well, I am stopping to ask WHY?!!!  and yet I will not let go of my faith and trust in Him either.

Sorry, I bring this up, but when I try to prayer, it often opens this can of worms; messy as can be. but yeah, I am forced to wonder what I can ask for and expect from Him and believe that He will do. And to be honest I have not a clue.

I can finally fully accept that six years of experience and conclusions is only like one piece of a 20,000 piece puzzle. Though my piece is big and all I can see, one day I will see how it fits in the big picture, and how even God being silent, hidden, withdrawn, unresponsive and not helping me when I felt I needed him most, was in fact loving, just and right. One day I will look back and what once caused me to doubt God's love and goodness, will be the very thing I'll rejoice in and marvel about.  Truly the Lord is good and is active in my life though my experience has seemed swear the opposite.

What shell I liken the enemy and his world to? A powerful and mighty, fast flowing river  with a strong current of evil and wickedness. It never grows weak or stop flowing, its destructive force is like gravity. Anything that is good has to swim against this current, this downward pull, this second law of thermodynamics. To swim against it requires constant diligence, for one distraction and we're swept away, one moment of desiring rest and we're carried down to the depths.
      Nothing last long in this world, nothing can continue against this force, everything good eventually goes south, turns sour, expires and goes bad, think of what Jesus started and the present state of the church, and the good things people have started since then and their present state; like John Wesley and the Methodist church for example. A few strong people like John Wesley, C.G Finney and Paul can swim against this current, but the rest of us try and eventually our arms are like wet noodles and we are carried right back from wince we came and are dashed against the rocks. Yet we finally we recover and start out again for the same end, eventually God will take us out of this river into His river of love in eternity.
      Every revival turned sour, every move of God came to a sad end, leaving people disillusions and distraught. Nothing on this side of eternity has a chance in this world that is controlled by the prince of the power of the air; the god of this world. he rules with a iron fist, he has a demonic grace (the will, ability and power) to enable people to do horrendous evil, and this grace is irresistible and he gives it freely. the enemy pulls the strings. he has years of experience, he knows our every weakness, and has the resources and power to insert thoughts and desires, to effect how we feel and what we want to do, which often dictates how we live. the enemy is patient and will wait until we are fatigued and weary and then attack, he never grows tired or weak, and he kicks us while we are down. who can stand against him or have a chance? Our only hope is the Lord.

I so wish God's love and power seemed like a river, but it seems more like a trickle that is often hard to find. We are born in this demonic river and it is natural and easy to be carried away, but who can find God's power? People get all excited and full of passion for the Lord, but it is like a match, one moment of glory and its gone. Evil is consistent and continual, yet good is short live and temporary, vanity, all is vanity, all is meaninglessness, chasing after wind.
     I guess this is satans world and it's his turn to run the show. But I long for things to be turned around. I want His power and His control in my life, but it seems non-existent on this side of eternity.  Paul wrote that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is within us, But who experiences this? We all experience satans mighty sway and power in our lives daily, and yet God just whispers, and the enemy screams and easily drowns God out and we are just left with ourselves and nothing good is within us and we don't care like we should and there is nothing in us to fight.

Once again Lord, all I ask is that you would give us a equal amount of your grace ( the power, ability and will) as the enemy pours into our lives without permission, all I ask is that You would be as passionate in pursuing me and doing good in my life, as satan is passionate in pursuing and destroying me. Why are you so held back Lord? Why so shy? why do so few ever experience Your power in their life? Whats wrong?

"I hate this world and all it has to offer, if I had a choice I would rather be dead" -Klank