In my pursuit of understanding, I stumble upon unexplored ideas, but instead of developing them, I go looking for the next exciting discovery. Instead of having a book worth of knowledge on any one subject, I have like 6,000 short writings. Instead of depth, I am thinly spread out over a lot of space, yes, like miles of land with inch deep soil. In my pursuit to be more in tune with Scripture, I amble onto untraveled roads that go on forever, but after a short distance I face a chasm or a tree in the road, so I end up looking for a different path to travel. I have learned understanding is a bit like an onion; for example; I know there is something wrong with the popular thought, so I dig deeper; pilling off another layer only to find there is another layer, but instead of persevering with that onion, I toss it and go and find different one. Therefore, I can have a appearance of depth, because I have thought about so many aspects of the Christian faith and have discovered new insights and I have original thoughts, but actually I'm shallow and know very little.
I think it's interesting how discovering something new, naturally increases the dopamine to the brain and thus gives us a sense of pleasure and puts a little more enjoyment and color into life. For years I noticed how the quality of my life was directly connected with my time spent in contemplation. My hours upon my bed mediating upon scripture, getting insights and writing down original thoughts was what made me alive. It also helped me be social and enjoy people. Without learning something new in solitude, I would shrivel and just try to find escapes in pass-times.
The problem is though learning brings pleasure, it does not mean I possess the 'know how' or have the ability to do all I'm learning. As you see in this drawing, I am finding great delight in devouring all these books on “how to run”, “the nature and effects of fire”, “The key to fleeing the burning building”, etc..., and yet, though I enjoy every bite, still I remain standing in the burning building.
Knowledge
UNDERSTANDING
knowledge cannot seem to make it into my heart. It is like water and I am a sealed water tight container and though I jump in the river, I cannot quench my thirst.
"I am like a dog on a leash; I can only go so far with any one thought. A new thought is like a cat that I see in the corner of my eye and I rush towards it like a boy running to an ice-cream truck, only for the collar around my neck to become a noose and my back feet to fly in front of me and my back to hit the dirt. As I watch the stars circle above my head, I wonder, "now, what was I thinking again?"
Once upon a time I really wanted to understand what faith is and learn the key to the victorious life that the jacket covers promise if I only read their book. I read several of such books and highlighted a lot of words, but the only thing I feel I learned was that once you have read one, you have pretty much read them all. It must be taught in seminary and when famous pastors need to write a book to keep their book-contract, they regurgitate the same ol' same old. But that is beside the point. While I read these books I really wanted to grab a hold of what they were saying, but it was like taking pills for my ill heart, but each pill was beyond it's reach. The idea made for this creepy drawing
Studying history is like joining a big game of Telephone several years already in the making. The original writings, scholars study, could not help but see reality through their limited perspective, presuppositions, political and religious assumptions, cultural upbringings and unique world-view. The crazy thing is sometimes the writers of ancient text wrote their work 100s of year after the events they write about.
Now history books are based on those old sources and later history text that have all be written by people with bias, even if they are unaware of them. Historians cannot help but notice somethings and not other things, This is frustrating!
it's obvious that even when people think they are sharing the facts they are spewing propaganda. During the last five years, take 5 different historians and you could get 5 totally different perspectives causing us to reach totally different conclusions. I listen to debates and both sides sound so convincing. In areas in which I have no higher learning, all I know is second hand information, and everything I accept based on trust, there is another side that claims it's all crap. Yet if I move over to the other side, then still their are people who would disagree with me.
