My Poetry

'Over Confident'

There is someone over confident
And that someones in my head
Yet he is growing kind of worried
And wonders if he should play dead

Cause nothing has ever worked out
The way that he had planned
I wondered if he would learn that
And now it is clear he has
For he's grown cold

Now there is no one over confident
Speaking hope in my head
That someone grow discourage
And is now playing dead

For nothing ever worked out
The way that he had planned
Now his only expectation
Is for things to return to bad
and then to worse
There is someone over confident
Speaking death in my head
He sure things will go on
Like they like they always have

Yet he could be wrong
God could do something new
My past experience
Does not dictate what He can do
So I am somewhere in the middle
Stuck between these two
I want to hope yet at the same time
I can't help but fear
That my hopes will be
dashed and crushed
Like the thousand times before
that I hoped the change would last
but It never ever has,
no it never ever has
But that does not mean
it never ever will

These Times Too Shell Pass

Terrified of having to say a word
The circle is coming around to me, I am afraid I’ll have to speak
But may mind is one empty, for my heart is out of fuel
I turn the key—cough, cough it won’t start up

This time too shell pass
Tomorrow will finally come
Today will have seemed like a puff of smoke
That is easily forgotten

When I play chess and I just try to defend
I am always slaughtered, this goes without question
Now my flesh is on the offense and I am just trying to survive
I have so few pieces left, how long can I stay alive?

This time too shell pass
Tomorrow will finally come
Today will have seemed like a puff of smoke
That is easily forgotten

Once I was so accustomed to living in my house
But a fire began to rage and it burned up everything
Now I have already forgotten what it was like before
All I know is the wind, the rain, the heat and the cold

These times too shell pass
And the Tomorrow will finally come
And these days will have seemed like a puff of smoke
That is easily forgotten

Your will for me is sanctification
Your will for me is that I am conformed to the image of Your Son
Your will for me is that I am rejoicing, give thanks and praying always
Your will for me is that I would be righteous
So I can be sure that…

These times too shell pass
And the Tomorrow will finally come
And these days will have seemed like a puff of smoke
That is easily forgotten

when I think about yesterday it is gone
Like a vapor it is gone
I weigh it on the scale and it was nothing
It is gone
This day will be gone
This week will be gone
This month will be gone
This life will be gone
It will all be gone
So gone, gone, gone....

And these times too shell pass
The the tomorrow will finally come
And these days will have seemed like a puff of smoke
That is quickly forgotten

Ankle Deep

Lovely are your ways O Lord
You are wonderful
So why must my mind be
numb through the day?
I’am spiritually ADD

I cant focus for the life of me
Like a man channel surfing on the TV
My mind drifts continually
Lord why must this be?

Everyday when I am working and busy
O Lord when I am free and fatigued

I find my depths are only ankle deep
Not near enough to drown the enemy
My Wisdom is like a house
My desires are the fire that burns it to the ground

My Knowledge is like a knife
My flesh is like a mighty two-edged sword
My Love is like dry wood,
My fatigue is like the match by which it is consumed

I want to move from chapter 7, to Romans 8
For I have been singing this same old song too long that;
I dont do what I want to do, and I do what I hate

SATISFIED

When the wine flows freely,
And the girls come easy
men are satisfied
Men are satisfied with this

When things are going smoothly
And they are earning lots of money
men are satisfied,
men are are satisfied with this

But as for me I will see your Face in righteousness
As for me I will be satisfied when I wake up in Your likeness

The pursuit of riches
To die with the most toys
men are satisfied
Men are satisfied with this

To leave their wealth
To their greedy children
Men are satisfied
Men are satisfied with this

But as for me I will see your Face in righteousness
As for me I will be satisfied when I wake up in Your likeness

AS for me to live is Christ
And to die is gain
AS for me, I rather be with You
Then on this earth
As for me, you are my treasure
You are my life
As for me, You are my abundance
You are my inheritance

As for me I will see your Face in righteousness
As for me I will be satisfied when I wake up in Your likeness

"FREEDOM"

While I felt strong I tried to build a wall
It kept me safe, though I could hear the enemy taunt
But I grew tired of my captivity
So I began to tear it down, one brick at a time
One compromise and it all fell to the ground

And now I am wondering, having been trampled by my enemy
Why would I tear down what protected me
And I am standing here, having been robed of everything
I treasured in my heart, because I longed for freedom

Freedom To look with hollow eyes at that which cannot satisfy
Freedom to let my heart be numbed, making my mind like tomb
So my flesh could be free to do what it wants to and feast
At the cost of Your time, at the cost of peace, at the cost joy and liberty And communion with You

And now I am wondering, having been trampled by my enemy
Why would I tear down what protected me
I am standing here, having been robbed of everything
I treasured in my heart, because I longed for freedom

Freedom to just exist like an animal,
to just live and go by how I feel
Freedom to remove these chains, which bind my flesh
So it can be released and do what it pleases and feast
At the cost of time, at the cost of peace, at the cost joy and liberty
And communion with You

I want to be a slave again, a slave to righteousness
Only then do I have liberty to do what truly makes me happy
I want to be a slave again, a slave to righteousness
Only then can I walk with You and be filled with Your fullness

I want to be a slave again, a slave to righteousness
For freedom to indulge in sin only brings hell on earth within
I want to be a slave again, a slave to righteousness
the life you give is worth the chains, it is worth the chains

"LIKE A VINE"
Like a vine it wraps around my mind
And goes down and surrounds my lungs
And suffocates

It is so hard to breath
As I think about what I have become
How my soul is in regression

My neck is tensing
The pressure is building
Trying to force out a tear

I gasp for air as I try to capture what I feel
But I cannot find a way to describe the pain
of watching the good I was slowly eroding away
And seeing my soul corroding with what I hate

Am I justified in Your eyes?
Do You see me in Christ as sanctified?
Am I already glorified in Your sight?

Or have you delivered me over to my sin
To forever be a slave to it?
Am I now Your enemy?
Are you through with me?

I am being fed contradictions in Your word
And I do not know which one to believe
I am left to assuming what I should think
And it leaves me with no peace

I need to know what you think and feel about me
I need to know what is reality
Everyone seems to have a piece
And they claim it is the whole

But I'm still here, sorting the pieces
Separating the black from the white
still I cannot make out a picture
My faith is blind
I must stumble on
waiting for my sight

"Mirage"

The memory of what I lost
Is a mirage in my mind
saying here I am,
I am right in front of you.
My hands keep feeling,
Finding empty space.
Why do I keep seeing these
Peices that fill this hole?
Like a carrot in front of my nose
That I know I cannot get to.
How do I burn these photos
That are trapped inside my mind?
I want to erase what I forgot
and left behind.
And enough with this clock
It does not work
When I turned it back
Time kept going
There is no changing past
What is done is done
Oh to get over it
and move on

In your A-1 world I am Z-26
I will never make it on your list

You shut your trap around my Achilles heel
And I don't know how to escape

You will not stop your acid test
Tell all my knowledge is decomposed
And I am left with nothing

You make a mountain out of a mull hill
And from where you stand
I look like an ant at the bottom

Your words rain down like cats and dogs
And I am tripping on the bodies

You are the worm in the apple of my eye
Now I'm rotten to the core
And I am going blind

"Twenty Pieces"

I only have twenty pieces
of a 20,000 piece puzzle
Yet I am driven to put it together
Still trying to make out a picture

From what I see I am making conclusions
From what I see i am making assumptions

These conclusions direct my life
And determine my state of being
These assumptions effect my mood
And determine who will be

I am so sure I am right
I know I must be right
and you cannot stop me
from seeing what I see
From feeling what I feel

Except You
Lord shine through

"AFTER THOUGHT"

Why must I kiss the feet
Why must I bow down
Why must I loyally serve myself?
I am the king of fools
An idiot hedonist
trying the same things
hoping for different results

I want to rebel
Oh to rebel

But my words fall like bricks from my lips
And on them I trip
My commitments are like pride,
They come right before I fall

Oh why do I climb a mountain
Why do I swim the ocean
Why do I pay such a high price
For something that is fleeting
that rings so empty
that never satisfies?
I sell my soul for a bowl of pottage
And then I sit and wonder
"heck, it did not even taste that good"
What was I thinking?
I was not thinking

For the memory of reality
Never comes to me till the deed is done;
As an after thought, as in horror I watch
As my city burns to the ground.

Ostracized from never-never-land
By those who came in without permission
Through the tunnel of my vision
Redecorating my room
Setting things straight
Dictating what I am to think
Like bread digested
They're marrow within
and muscle outlaying
involved in every move
I am making

Oh the bliss of blindness
Mysterious world my own design
But my nine days' wonder is over
Frozen deep within the past
Oh I don't want to paddle my canoe
Not in this world I now know

My melancholy complexion
Bleeds ink into my pen
Facing the music, causes me to sing
As Rome's bright complexion sets into evening

Sorry I am so lackadaisical
I guess I've been hanging out with the fifth column
My lame duck status puts me in jeopardy
Here in the south you have the right to shoot me

"Cold Shoulder"

How bought some sunshine
For Your cold shoulder
Your conspiracy of silence
Seems to me a mere claptrap

I guess I need another chip to
Balance out my shoulders
I'll continue to chivvy
While my chickens come home to roost

Am I coming to You with a cupboard love?
I selfishly want You to save me from myself
Precisely cause I am so freaking selfish
So I am coming to You with a cupboard love

I've cooked my goose and I cooked it again
My chances at success are
zero to a hundred and ten

Yet You just keep playing possum
And over You I'm tripping
I want my pound of flesh
but you ain't listening

It seems my weakness
Is as plain as a pikestaff
I've gone from pillar to post now
Trying to make You see this

"One glance"

One glace
Just turn Your head my way
Clear Your throat
And I will tremble
Like a poodle that has
just been paddled

And my point of view
Will be dulled and closed shut
And my perspective
Will be turned to ashes

My doubt evaporates
like the dew in the morning sun
When You look my way

You pursue me with a passionate love
Though You stay in the shadows
Disappearing like a ninja
So it will still require faith

You pursue me with a passionate love
Though the songs I am repeating
is one of lonely love sick singing
Cause it still requires faith

You pursue me with a passionate love
Though it requires blind faith
Believe You are when we see You are not

I believe you are doing far more
then I could ever know
You are one step ahead of me
while I am falling down
Yet already on the ground
to pick me up again

"Ps and Qs"

Not only are they hard to mind
My Ps and Qs are hard to find
I get them confused with my Bs and Us
And to my shame, my 3s and 2s

But I don't meander around my moments of truth
Like mealy-mouthed men with all their honey talk
No, I am mesmerized by this melodramatic moron
I am so mercurial that I've insured my meeting with waterloo

But could these moments of truth be crying wolf?
Have I made an elephant out of a fly?

Oh but I don't want to make a mountain
out to be a mere moll hill
If it's really all mumbo jumbo,
please somehow let me know

"Bad Feeling"

I have a bad feeling about something
But that somethings still is a nothing
Different situations pass through my head
like actors interviewed for various parts
But none seem right, none quite fit the bill

An alarm calls out from the darkness
My peace has been unhinged
Oh where is that rattle coming from?
Where is the source of that beep?
Oh turn it off! Please

I am entagled like cotton among thorns
I'm uneasy like a worm in a beak
I'm restless like a boy before a shot
I cant find anything broken
Yet I feel I must fix it

Oh wait, I think I can fit this triangle
In this rectangle feeling
My emotion is putting meat on these bones
I'll make that nothing into something
I'll give myself something to cry about

"Paint The Town Red"

They go out and paint the town red
And tell me about their volunteer work
My response is like puzzle pieces spilled on the floor
So I smile and sweep it all under the rug

They share their gospel
Why won't I share mine?
It just seems my kingdom
Would be to them so foreign

Like trying to explain
something complexed to a small child
I cannot just blurt out all I know
But must choose my words wisely

but like finding a small screw in fallen leaves after midnight
Is what it would take to find the words I should speak
And I don't want to get on my knees

How many times have I groped about, everything a blur
feeling every surface for my other par of eyes
Sick of the fact I forgot where I placed them again

My clarity of thought is lost
in this fog that lingers through my day
So we just talk about food, smile
And bid each other a good day and leave

Thank You for not Responding
Thank You for being so withdrawn
Thank You for keeping Your Spirit from me
Thank You for Your cold shoulder
Thank You for taking so long
Thank You for not opening my eyes
Thank You for my miserable dependency
Thank You for leaving me defeated
Thank You for playing hard to get
Thank You for being so silent
Thank You for not hearing me
Thank For leaving me in my need

For one day in hindsight this will be a cause of rejoicing
Though so hard to accept now and the cause of my misery
One day it will show the beauty of Your Character

Thank You for being so reluctant to help
Thank You for keeping me in the dark
Thank You for not giving me understanding
Thank You for making me like water and your word like oil
Thank You for not healing me
Thank You for not giving me strength
Thank You for withholding You grace
Thank You for not writing Your laws on my heart
Thank You for not changing my moods
Thank You for not delivering me
Thank You for not helping those I love
Thank You for not bringing in the new
Thank You for letting me go to pot

One day I'll see Your wisdom
One day I'll see You knew what You were doing
One day I'll see you did what was highest
One day I'll understand Your love

While in this nightmare I push the snooze button
One day I'll wake up and once again have affection for You
During this darkness, this waiting to be saved from myself
Lord You keep me, Lord You have not let me go

"The Devils in the Details"

Six of one, a half-dozen of the other
But the bigger they are the harder they fall
And the devil is in the details killing
chicks before they hatch
The skeletons in my closet are yelling out
"it is sink or swim"
But I am dragging my feet and loosing skin
I guess I am the pot calling the kettle black
Demanding the ball be in my court before I'll act

The turning of events
Brought me back to the drawing board
To make a sketch of future times
And ponder what my response should be

By the cover I can't judge a book
But the picture speaks a thousand words
Assumptions write epics
Emotions believe them to be reality

Should we stock pile Eve's downfall
Because the apple cart will be upset?
Shell we be Gods provision for the
Worms, bacteria, mold and maggots?

Emphasize a different set of words in a common verse
And the old meaning once embraced, will be swallowed whole

We want it to be now and we push facts it until they fit
This continues until we're so confident that this year is it

Best selling "88 reasons why the rapture may be in 1988"
Had a squeal that was equally misconstrued
And yet it sold copies, it sold copies too

We see what we want, and we brush aside what contradicts
Creating a reality that fully sways all we believe

"you Need Fuel To Get To A Gas Station"

Lord I am waiting for You to see
That I am like a tree planted in a pot
Put in a house that is abandon

So I look like winter
Though it is spring outside
I feel I'm left here to die
Why do You forsake me?

Your Word has been like ink
That makes it hard to drink
What once brought life to me
For its not clear what I can believe
I could be deceived

I am no longer Sure
I can no longer Know
There is a fork in the road
And no sign saying where to go

You need fuel to get to a gas station
At least a spark to start a fire
But I am here stranded in a wasteland
And I am shivering in the night

Lord what I wanted was salvation
Freedom from myself
I had nowhere else to turn to
You were my only hope

But freedom lost a leg
Liberty fell along the way
The sugar was left out of the brownies
And the salt left out of the eggs

But Lord I have nowhere else to turn to
You are my only hope
So Lord I ask you restore my trust
Please save me from myself

"Back Into The Frying Pan"

Either I am on a treadmill
Or I am sitting in a chair
Either I am running in circles
Or I am lying in my room

Both successfully blast me nowhere
So I exist here yet another day

Wearing out my welcome
Old fish begin stink
Fiddling thumbs tell they break
These idle muscles begin to ache

Every prison break has failed
Yet I keep pacing in this cell
feeling for a loose brick in the wall
It's kept me busy several years now

So Lord here I must wait
I am not sure what to think

I am stuck between bad or worse
I am wishing for an alternative
I guess I'll climb back into the frying pan
It seems better then being engulfed in flames

Yet I am not sure which one is worse

"Wet Blanket"

Oh conclusions so bleek and down
You come over me like a wet blanket
I cannot deny you, you seem so true
You showed me how the devils in the details
Making my every good intention go belly up

Yet could you be the one who is closing the blinds?
Maybe you are not as pure as the wind driven snow
Could you be the bars surrounding my bed?
Maybe you are the cat that has my tongue

You are an illusion and yet in me you find meat and bones
You fill me like a glove, strike a bell and it all rings so true
Oh it seems no use trying to deny you

Oh conclusions so bleek and down
You come over me like a wet blanket
I cannot deny you, you seem so true
You've shown me how I am a puppet
And there is no use trying to pull against the strings

You are an illusion, but you strangle-hold
my resistences like a vice
How can a mirage of a mounster swallow me whole?
Oh it seems so hard to deny you

Oh But you are an illusion and I am the Lords
He loves me and he has freed me from you!
you have no rights other then what I give you
So get away from me! lies... lies...
May I be your wet blanket
May I be the hands around your throat!

Oh Lord my God I hope in You
Oh Lord I put my trust in You
Oh Lord my God I look to You
Oh Lord I wait on You

Though it seems like make-believe
Like I am writing fiction
To go on about Your intimate love
When I don't sense a thing

Though it seems like fiction
Like a world of make-believe
To say the world is filled with light
When darkness surrounds me

Oh but You are here
Though I cannot get that reality
To sink within me

You are there for me
Though my past-disappointment
Tryings to suffocate this belief

Lord you care about me
Though my experience
Differs 180 degrees

Lord I guess I am not overjoyed about being born in the mist of a war
Where Satan seems to have the upper hand and all looks dark and black

Yet in the end you will get the victory
And You are with us in this war torn world
Winning battles, healing wounds
Fulfilling our dreams using nightmares

You are our light in this dark, dark world
And you give us peace and hope
And you even fill our hearts with gladness
So even in the meantime You are victorious

And yet still I'm not overjoyed about being born into a war
Where the enemy seems to have the upper hand
Oh Lord we are waiting and longing for You to act

I foresee a great fire
So I'll drink another cup of water

The atom bomb falls from the blue sky
So I'll step inside for a while

The cancer is spreading
So I'll take another ibuphropen

The world is cooling
So I'll paint the sky with hairspray

I am floating like a pig
So I'll spread theses arms and fly

We would drown in the ocean
But I'll empty the sea with my tea spoon

I will put out this fire with gasoline
I am tired of messing around
I am going to come out clean

From this deck of cards I created my shelter
The heat from the back of the refrigerator
Keeps me warm and i'll swallow my spit
Less I get dehydrated

My future dictates my present
And my present regrets my past
My past reasons with my present
But my present can't change the future

But I'll try by burning the ships
But then I wonder what was the profit?
For I spend my days hating what I did
And I find myself rebuilding a ship

You can only take the horse to the stream
But you can't make him drink
But I am that horse dying from a lack of water
Though it plentifully surrounds me

So I'll grab the air and pull myself out of bed

So what exactly is this thing we call hope?
Is it some kind of longing or a written confession?
Does it result in some sort kind of action?

So what exactly is this thing we call trust?
Sure I see specific examples of it in my past
But I am talking about now, here in the present

Oh all these words I throw out without understanding
I assume I know their meaning
And make grand conclusions
creating elaborate paintings

Oh but wait, what was I thinking?
I lay here stuck, frozen
And trying to enlighten this mind
Only tighten the chains

I guess these assumptions are a sort of fuel
That dries up the moment one begins to ponder
Which in turn leaves us stranded

Maybe this ignorance is bliss
It does keep us going
But to where? An oasis or an abyss?

Analyzing cuts in pieces
Our priceless master-pieces
Oh is it worth the high cost?

Oh but our lives are falling to pieces
Should we not sort the pieces?
It does not seem unwise

Maybe if I could just get some understanding
Oh if these words could take on weight and meaning
Maybe the scale would finally lean in my direction

I hate my insights, my sermons, my teachings
I am no different, I am like the rest, I carry on and on
Proclaiming things that ring true and sounds so intelligent
But are nothing more then commends to get out of the road
to a deaf, armless, legless, drying, poverty stricken man
But should I seal my month and never again speak?

"Like A Fever"

What am I to believe?
Am I in good standing with You?
Surely Your silence
and my spiritual absence
speaks like a fever
or a stopped up nose ~sniff~

Am I in hope to believe all is fine?
Is observing the obvious to waver in my faith?
I thought when things hurt and pain abounds
that it's a sign that something is wrong

But resistance builds strength
Difficulty; perseverance
And the latter is worth the present
If we can only grin and make it

So maybe this curse is a blessing
That's what I would like to think
But there is this one loose link

See, I pushed it until it fit
And then I put a mask on it
So I could sneak it by

I did not know what else to do
I had to somehow make sense
Of Your absence and my depravity
That just goes on and on
No matter if I pray,
Even when I beg
Despite what I do

So I must push it til it fits
and put a mask on it
So I can get it by
And make sense of life

Lord did you not say that those who have faith
would do what You did and even greater things?
That you would do for us whatever we asked?
That if we have faith nothing is impossible for us?

The preacher said this is true
That God meant it then and He means it now

But to fully embrace this is like
believing the moons made out of blue cheese
These scriptures make me wonder if I am saved
So I find I tend to push them away--forgive me

But honestly what the heck am I to do?
Reality seems to scream they are wrong
And that God does what He wants despite of us
And that no measure of faith is strong enough
To pry open His hand

God seems more likely to give us a huge mansion
Luxurious cars and the finest toys
Then to write his laws on our hearts
And save us from our sin
Maybe the prosperity gospel nut jobs
Are not as wrong as I thought!

So what about signs and wonders?
What about healing power and miracles?
What about about the power that raise Jesus from the dead
That is suppose to give us dominion over sin?

Doing nothing gets us nowhere
Despite Your unconditional love
Trying gets us nowhere
For we cannot earn your grace
Praying gets us nowhere
Which leaves me wondering what else is there to do!

Oh they say we receive whatever that means
That there is nothing I can do
Because it is all of grace

But wait, but wait! I am not seeing any sign of power
Is that not a sign that somehow I must be good enough?
Oh but wait, but wait! I can't be holy without his power
So that puts me between a rock and a hard place

I lay my head against this wall called doing nothing
I then go bang my head against the wall called striving
All the while I am rotting in this prison cell called self

"The Swine"

In me I find the swine
The inability to value whats of worth
The tendency to treat the holy
as common without respect

Oh but earthly pleasures is like chronic pain
compared to the joy that You give!
Lord you know exactly how we're designed
To obey You is to find life

Lord, I must be wired wrong!
Or else why would I prefer the lesser?
The shallow over the deep?
The trite over what has meaning?

Lord You spoke the world into existence
The power to create and destroy is in your hands
No one can describe Your glory
You live in unapproachable light

And yet your gentle
Full of mercy
And tender compassion

So Lord you should be valued above all
You are worthy of my utmost
my time, my devotion, my life
this is just the reasonable sacrifice

But I am like the swine
I have walked and trampled upon Your blood
Time after time I have foolishly chosen
A bowl of pottage over my inheritance

Oh who will save me from the wretch that I am?
Thanks be to God, through Christ Lord!
But Lord how long must I wait?
until until you kill the swine within me

Fill me with your Spirit
Your grace be multiplied
The motivation, will and energy
The ability to finally prefer You over me

Lord You spoke the world into existence
The power to create and destroy is in your hands
You are worthy of my utmost
this is my reasonable sacrifice

"Game Over"

My hope set down and was patient
But after being left for weeks
It soured like milk
And now sits uneasy in me

Like the fool repeatedly suckered into
a new get rich quick scheme
So is my hope for friendship
With each wonderful person I meet

Take a retard banging his chest
Write hope on head
kick me on his rear-end
and you have a picture of me

I have them over for dinner
They have me over for tea
after that we feel uncomfortable
going beyond hello once a week

I guess we only have so many tries
And we use them up right after we meet
"initiative out of lives" I then read
on the game over screen

Oh hope why are you so hopeful!
After so many sinking feelings?
In excitement I share the good news
Which in time reminds me of the fool I am

I guess my hope is childlike
Harsh are these prods to adulthood
Oh but hope don't grow up!
Less you grow old and die!

"Say My Name"

I've been lost in my own world
Ambling the corners of my mind
But then I hear my name and
I am intently transported back to the room

Oh and then comes the question
Like a slap in the face for not paying attention
And I find myself scrambling
For a way to be convincing
In pretending I was listening
But I always end up asking
"Uh.. Now, what was that, that you were saying?

Lord say my name, ask me a question
Awake me from this dream
Pull me out from this temporal reality
Oh Lord it is where I've been living
So I have not been listening
To a thing you've been saying
Lord I am guilty

I want to move beyond the work
Move beyond the task
Beyond the to and fro
Beyond the this and that

There is more then the work
So much more then the task
More then the to and fro
More then the this and that

In the ordinary You speak
All that I see is a metaphor
of spiritual things

"Fictitious Journey Nowhere"

Only the strong one can make it
But he can't boast

Only the one who endures can pass the line
But he can't gloat in his perseverance

Only the healthy one can continue on
But he can't take pride in how
he eats and his exercise

Only those with blind faith
can carry on against all odds
And never ask questions as they just
keep swimming across the Atlantic ocean

Maybe this treadmill
This lesson in futility
This going in circles
This fictitious journey to nowhere
to nowhere

Is doing the tearing down
only for it to heal bigger
building strength
lifting weary arms so they can endure
all the while making one more healthy
Is this a funny side-effect
Of a necessary evil in me
This necessary evil around me?
Or else Lord why would you
leave me diseased?

I read you gave me all that I need
Lord this is the hardest thing for me to believe

"The Shredder"

I Once was a tree say the paper
as its pushed into the shredder
I am spoiling cries the milk
left on the counter all night long
I am getting no says the car
on the go-cart track
My blooms about to wither bewails
the flower in the Texas sun

Oh I think its time to run
Oh because the enemy draws near
So why are my feet set in concrete?
Why did I bite that piece of cheese
On that rectangle piece of wood
with the silver bar?
Why did I tag along with the children
following the music into a cave?
Why did I stick my hand in the jar
and grab that shining object?
Why did I find myself so suddenly drawn
to that sweet sticky tape?
Why did I run for the food, only to look back
and see I was locked in a cage?

Its only like I am neck deep
Surrounded by concrete
I can look around
But I can't do much else

Its only like I have no legs
And yet you command me to walk
But I lay here helpless
As they walk off

Its like I am on the outside
There is something I am missing
something is wrong
I must be out of the loop
For I can't find any strenght
When I am weak I am weak
In Christ we can do all things
so something must be wrong
Lord prove me I am wrong

Its only like I am frozen solid
In this cold environment
And I hear a Demand to be warm and soft

Its only like I am sick and lonely
And i hear you tell me
I am to be overwhelmed by joy and health...

Please rebuke my cynical heart
Prove me that I am wrong
I want to be wrong

Friendship is like a gourmet dinner
Better enjoy while it last
There is a needle for every bubble
Of joy, hope and love
Good intentions are like matches
Floating in the sea
New beginnings are like flowers
That wither when summer swallows spring

Nothing last,
its shifting sand beneath my feet
Its all temporary
there is no security

Lord what would I do
If not for You
You are my joy
You are my hope
You are my rock

I made a covenant
Does that mean anything to me
I made a contract
Why don't I feel more shame
When I break it?
Its because its not sunk it yet
My faith is still not strong enough
To make You that real

You made a covenant
You made a contract
You made a promise
When we said "I do"

And though You have been faithful
From my warped perspective
You have abandoned me
And broken your side to

And Oh this sure screws things up
And Oh must I just sit and watch
As my feet are swift to sin
And I break my promise again

And Oh this sure screws things up
And Oh why won't You write your laws on my heart
Its called the second covenant
Which you hold in front of my eyes

But you won't let me have
Why won't you let me have it?

When the law is outside of us
And contrary to our hearts
It just won't work
Lord it is You who said this!

So what now?