Books worth of knowledge, understanding, life experience and observations are not enough. Great moments of zeal, good intentions and motivation does not cut it. Discipline and reciting the truth within the mind over and again does not safe guard us. I have made promises and commitments and sought to build up my self-control, yet Satan inserts one simple desire, and it holds more weight and power then everything else; one desire voids, snows under and erases all good sense. My spirit being alive with His life is my only way to walk in victory. Yet lately I have not found evidence of His Help and strength in my times of weakness. Therefore I am left to fear those times when the enemy somehow creates the desire in me that instantly binds the mind, motivation and will, leaving me with no way to fight. This desire somehow then plays like a record within the mind on repeat and it seems there is no turning it off.
Lovely are your ways O Lord
You are wonderful
So why must my mind
be numb through the day?
I’m spiritually ADD
I can’t focus for the life of me
Like a man channel surfing on the TV
My mind drifts continually
Lord why must this be?
Everyday when I am working and busy
O Lord when I am free and fatigued
I find my depths are only ankle deep
Not near enough to drown the enemy
My Wisdom is like a house
My desires are the fire that
burns it to the ground
My Knowledge is like a knife
My flesh is like a mighty two-edged sword
My Love is like dry wood,
My fatigue is like the match
by which it is consumed
I want to move from chapter 7, to Romans 8
For I have been singing this same old song too long that;
I don’t do what I want to do, and I do what I hate
When I feel fat and bloated; when my pants are gnawing into my stomach so I'm in a constant state of discomfort is when I normally go stuff my face as a way to escape how I feel. While eating I often think how I should start eating right and wonder why I am eating junk food and why I don't seem to care that I am. What's up with that?! Likewise, when I'm feeling bad about a sin; seeing how horrible it is, feeling so needy, dependant and helpless. When I find within a frustration with God; wondering why He will not help me, is when I find myself mindlessly heading to commit the same sin again to escape the misery I am currently feeling; for it offers an immediate comfort. Crazy how it's our past-times, escapes and sins that actually create the misery in our lives and yet they are at the same time our temporary relief, pain killer and stimulants that give us a time of enjoyment. for many in the world this momentary pleasure is their only reason for living and enduring the day. The power of addiction is how it keeps us miserable and then makes sure we see it as the only form of relief from the misery.
Only the strong one can make it
But he can't boast
Only the one who endures can pass the line
But he can't gloat in his perseverance
Only the healthy one can continue on
But he can't take pride in how he eats and his exercise
Only those with blind faith
can carry on against all odds
And never ask questions as they just
keep swimming across the Atlantic ocean
Maybe this treadmill
This lesson in futility
This going in circles
This fictitious journey to nowhere
to nowhere
Is doing the tearing down
only for it to heal bigger
building strength
lifting weary arms
so they can endure
all the while making one more healthy
Is this a funny side-effect
Of a necessary evil in me
This necessary evil around me?
Or else Lord why would you leave me diseased?
I read you gave me all that I need
Lord this is the hardest thing for me to believe
I'm sorry
Tell me why must the master serve the slave?
Tell me why the caboose leads the train?
The lesser walk over the great
The fool outwits the wise
The ant eats the dead elephant
The roach strikes terror in the woman
Tell me why must the last take first
And the first must be last?
In all the wrong ways
Lord You should be first
But You take second to fleeting pleasures
Lord the eternal should take preeminence
But the temporal smothers it
Lord this should not be
Tell me why must the last take first
And the first must be last?
In all the wrong ways
